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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28929975">maybe one day</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sydne/pseuds/sydne'>sydne</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Nancy Drew (TV 2019)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Family bonding!, Ryan and Nancy being two idiots!, banter + angst, emotional constipation!, plus nace because I can't help myself!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 13:48:34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>17,290</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28929975</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sydne/pseuds/sydne</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Ryan Hudson was not a good person, and he certainly wasn't a good father, but he could try. He may not be worthy of being Nancy's dad today or tomorrow or next year, but he hoped he could be eventually. Maybe one day they could be more than what they were right now.</p><p>Ryan tries to be a father to Nancy. A series of one-shots exploring their relationship, beginning in season two.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ace/Nancy Drew, Nancy Drew &amp; Ryan Hudson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>82</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>207</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. trying new things</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I haven't written fanfiction since I was a young teenager, which was over a decade ago, but a couple glasses of wine on top of my newfound love for this TV show fueled this, whatever it is. It could be the beginning of a series of one shots about Ryan and Nancy's relationship, with a little Ace thrown in for good measure? Please let me know if that's something you'd like to read :)</p><p>This is set sometime in season 2, or at least a couple of months after the season 1 finale.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>If Ryan was being honest with himself—and he rarely was, but today was a day of trying new things—he could admit that he’d made a lot of mistakes in his life. Even so, the barrage of insults Nancy had thrown at him over the past few months were difficult to hear. He’d never claimed to be a good person, but he had also never thought of himself as even half as bad as his daughter seemed to think he was.<br/>
</p><p>And okay, she had a point. He did have a long, inappropriate affair with her friend ... while she was a minor. That was bad; he wouldn’t deny it. He’d once openly contemplated the merits of Owen Marvin’s murder (in his defense, he hadn’t known at the time that Nancy was sleeping with him, though he doubted that fact would help him rank any higher on her moral measuring stick). And yes, maybe he had spent his entire adulthood making money through shady, if not outright illegal, business dealings that often preyed upon vulnerable people and left everyone but him and his business partners worse off.</p><p>It wasn’t that Nancy was wrong, it was just hard to come to terms with the fact that he was a shitty person, and his daughter was right to be uninterested in associating with him.</p><p>But finding out he was a father—to Lucy Sable’s child, no less—had changed him. He stopped wishing ill upon the Marvin family (out loud, at least). He went to therapy once a week. He tried to withdraw from his family’s murkiest business dealings, though it was proving difficult to extricate the Hudson family from the various black markets his father had engaged in, from antiquities to drugs.</p><p>Maybe he wasn’t a good person, and maybe he never would be. But he hoped that he could be a good father to Nancy, or even just a father at all. If she didn’t want that, he’d settle for being her friend. He owed her a lot more than she owed him, after all.</p><p>So when Ryan bumped into Nancy walking hurriedly downtown with Ace at her side, it was the first time such an encounter sparked excitement and a sense of opportunity – a good feeling – instead of awkwardness, dread and regret.</p><p>“Hey Nancy!”</p><p>“Hi Ryan.” Nancy’s tone was far less enthusiastic than his own, but he let it go; if his therapist were here, she’d remind him that he deserved whatever sass his daughter threw at him.</p><p>“What’s … what’s going on?” He asked, looking from Nancy to Ace for some clue as to what monstrous mystery they might be investigating today.</p><p>Nancy’s eyes darted to Ace’s, and the conversation that occurred entirely in blinks and eye muscle contractions wasn’t nearly as subtle as they seemed to think it was. ‘We need him,’ Ace implied. ‘Absolutely not,’ Nancy blinked. ‘We don’t have a better option,’ squinted Ace.</p><p>“Whatever it is, I’d like to help you,” Ryan said, interrupting all the twitching and chin-jutting. “I know things have been weird, and that’s mostly on me, but I … I’d like to have a relationship with you one day, Nancy. And if that means building your trust a little at a time, starting with whatever nightmare you’ve found yourself in today, I’d like to do it.”</p><p>Ace looked sympathetic, while Nancy’s face screamed annoyance. Eventually, her lip biting and wrinkled brow gave way to begrudging acceptance.</p><p>“Fine. Follow me.” </p><p>Nancy didn’t want him involved, but she clearly needed him. For now, that was good enough. A relationship could come later.</p><p>Hours later, having been dragged from one end of Horseshoe Bay to the next, Ryan leaned against the hood of Nancy’s blue convertible, his breath coming out in cloudy puffs as he burrowed further into his coat. Nancy and her friends were several feet away, huddled up in a circle as they animatedly discussed new developments and debated the best next move.</p><p>Truthfully, he’d lost all track of the reason for his presence hours ago; something about the Aglaeca, and a wraith, and also that old man that was found mysteriously dead, and maybe it was tied to the very old book they found buried in the chest on the beach, and and and … frankly, who even knew how Nancy and her crew kept track of the fresh hells they found themselves embroiled in each day? He’d seen enough weird mystical shit in the past year to accept that whatever was going on was real, and that Nancy probably knew how to fix it, so he was content to just do what she said and quietly prove his worth to her. He didn’t know if it was working yet, but he could be patient. (Well, he’d never been patient before, but he figured he could try for Nancy.)</p><p>While he was trying out patience, he watched. He’d been unable to learn much about Nancy’s personal life in the past, and he’d certainly complicated any attempt at getting to know her friends through his affair with George. This was a window into her life that he had never been afforded before, what with all the near-death experiences, frustration and general disinterest he’d had in her life before he knew what a big part of it she could be. He figured he would take advantage.</p><p>On Nancy’s left stood Bess, a hand on her hip, her lips pursed in concentration. Truthfully, he didn’t really care about Bess either way, but he did admire her nerve—dating a cop dedicated to investigating the Marvin family, her family, was bolder than any act of rebellion he’d attempted in his youth.</p><p>Across the circle from Nancy were Nick and George. They were standing closer than anyone else in the circle, and in a tense moment of disagreement within the group, Nick’s hand grazed George’s lower back in .... solidarity? Comfort? He couldn’t be sure, but it was more than friendly. Did Nancy know? Was she bothered by it? Ryan was pretty sure Nancy and Nick had … something … between them once, but he wasn’t entirely sure what that something was. Whatever it had been, it must be over now, if their interactions with the people beside them were anything to go by.</p><p>On Nancy’s right was Ace, with his shaggy stoner hair and ear piercing. He didn’t look like anything special to Ryan, but Nancy glanced at him out of the corner of her eye every few seconds. It was almost like she couldn’t help herself.</p><p>Ryan kept watching, and he kept learning. Nancy cared about all her friends, that much was obvious. But she cared about Ace differently … she cared about Ace more, somehow.<br/>
</p><p>Maybe there was nothing there ... yet. But he could see that there might be, one day. It was in the way Nancy’s body stilled—no tapping of feet or fingers, no vibrating with latent sleuthing energy—when she looked at Ace, as if, for that one second they looked at each other, she found previously unattainable peace. It was in the slight quirk of Ace’s lips when she called his name to accompany her on the next wild goose chase. There was something—a connection, an attraction, maybe even the beginning of something more—in the split second when Ace’s hand brushed Nancy’s at any mention of Lucy or her newly discovered parentage.</p><p>Those moments made Ryan’s heart clench. First, because it was hard to reconcile the fact that one of the best moments of his life—learning Nancy was his daughter—was simultaneously the worst moment of hers. Second, because it made him think of Lucy.</p><p>It would be a lie to say he remembered everything about his relationship with Lucy. He’d forgotten the tone of her voice and the exact length of her hair. He didn’t remember what they said to each other on their first date or what went through his head when he kissed her for the first time. But when he saw Nancy with Ace, he got to see Lucy again and remember all the little things he’d forgotten.</p><p>The way they calmed each other, turned to each other with questions in their eyes in times of distress. The way, after a dangerous encounter, they checked on each other’s safety with a glance and a nod before anyone else’s. The way they sat ever so slightly closer to each other than was strictly necessary.</p><p>Every sign, every gesture, was a window into the past, like looking at Lucy and himself 20 years ago.</p><p>He didn’t really know Nancy yet, but he knew Lucy, and he knew what Lucy looked like when she was in love with him. There was enough similarity between the girl in front of him and the girl he once loved for his suspicions to seem possible.</p><p>He was shaken from his train of thought by the appearance of Ace. The group had disbanded, with George and Nick jogging left while Nancy and Bess walked right, heads together in intense conversation. Ryan pulled his eyes from them and onto Ace, who was trying to get his attention.</p><p>“Mr. Hudson? Can we take your car? We have to—”</p><p>“—let me just stop you right there. I lost track of this case hours ago. Just take me wherever Nancy wants me to go,” Ryan said, tossing Ace the keys. </p><p>“Will do, Mr. Hudson.”</p><p>“And Ace? Call me Ryan. I once performed a mystic ritual with your assistance, I think we’re on a first-name basis.”</p><p>“Understood.”</p><p>“I hate to say it, but it seems like you might end up being a much bigger part of my life than I ever could have imagined.”</p><p>Ace didn’t respond, but a shy smile took over his face as he bowed his head to hide it. Ryan didn’t know Ace very well.... but he thought maybe that meant he was right.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. one step forward</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ryan tries again, and gets more than he bargained for.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Finding out he was a dad twenty years after the fact had left Ryan woefully unprepared for a myriad of bizarre parenting situations. How did you interact with your daughter’s legally biological but technically abductive father, for instance? How did you build a relationship with your child when you missed the first two decades of her life? Were they supposed to spend a lot of time talking about her dead mom, who spent months haunting them?</p><p>Somehow, he thought his current conundrum might be the most complex so far. It was certainly more startling, more disturbing, more awkward than any that had come before.</p><p>How did a man who had recently discovered he had a grown daughter react to finding said daughter wrapped in a naked embrace with Ace?</p><p>His first reaction upon entering the Drew living room and seeing the pair canoodling on the rug had been to shout in surprise and slap a hand over his eyes. That, at least, felt appropriate.</p><p>“What the hell are you doing here? Get out!!” Nancy squealed as she grabbed a nearby shirt to throw over her head, replacing the arms Ace had thrown over her to cover her ... parts. Ugh. Being a parent was already much harder than Ryan had anticipated.</p><p>“I just stopped by to ask if you wanted to go to lunch tomorrow!” Ryan exclaimed, exasperated. “You haven’t been answering my texts so I figured I’d just come by. When I got here, the door was open, and I could see your purse thrown on the ground.”</p><p>“So you thought you’d just barge right in?” She yelled back, one arm crossed over her chest as the other pulled the t-shirt down further over her legs.</p><p>“I thought you’d been attacked! You don’t exactly lead the safest lifestyle, Nancy.” The part of Ryan that hated vulnerability, avoided it all costs, protested, but the Ryan that wanted to be a good father kept going. “I was worried about you. I didn’t think about the fact that you may have been up to … other things,” he admitted, his face flushing.</p><p>Nancy glared. Ryan stared at his shoes. Ace’s eyes darted around the room, landing only on inanimate objects like the fireplace, the crown molding, or the unlit streetlamp outside.</p><p>In the deafening silence, Ryan tried desperately to forget the sight of Ace on top of Nancy, kissing her neck. The memory called up some primal, paternal instinct—one that he knew Nancy would not approve of, and that he needed to squash immediately—that made him want to punch Ace’s smug little face. (Admittedly, Ace didn’t look smug at all, more chagrined, but Parental Ryan liked to imagine it was smug. That way, his fantasy of roughing Ace up felt a little more justified.) Just as daydream-Ryan was throwing daydream-Ace out the door on his ass with a yelled “and never come near her again!,” real-life Nancy intervened. </p><p>“Don’t,” she paused, taking a deep breath, “tell Carson about this, okay? We’ve been trying to patch things up but it’s weird and I haven’t told him about us yet.”</p><p>“Do you think we have weekly brunch meetings? Get together and discuss parenting techniques, hold seminars about how to father an extremely independent, displeased-at-both-of-us amateur detective?”</p><p>The corner of Nancy’s mouth quirked up as she shook her head. “No, I … obviously not. It’s just that no one knows about me and Ace yet, and we’d like to keep it that way for now.”</p><p>Ryan’s mouth went dry. The past few minutes had been a deeply unfortunate accident, but something leaped in his chest all the same. All those months ago, he’d been right about Ace and Nancy, and now he was the first to know about them. Almost like he really was Nancy’s dad, like she really thought of him that way and wanted to tell him about her new relationship.</p><p>He could imagine a world where Nancy brought Ace home for dinner, to a big house with a porch where Lucy cooked dinner for the four of them and Ryan questioned his daughter’s new boyfriend relentlessly. Where, at the end of the night, Nancy would walk Ace to his car, and upon her return to the house Ryan would pull her aside for a hug and a begrudgingly offered “He’ll do, I suppose.” Where Lucy would tell him not to be so gruff to the boy next time and he would refuse, but it wouldn’t really matter what he thought of Ace at all, because he was falling asleep next to the love of his life, his daughter growing up happily just down the hall. </p><p>This wasn’t that, not at all. But it was close enough, and he’d learned to take what he could get.</p><p>“I won’t tell. Let’s be honest, there are very few people I could tell about my secret illegitimate daughter’s new secret boyfriend,” Ryan said with a little chuckle, trailing off when he realized no one was laughing with him. Six months since the big reveal, and it was still too soon.</p><p>The trio stood awkwardly in silence, each one searching for something, anything, to say. Ryan found his words first.</p><p>“Well, if you’re okay, I guess I’ll go. Let you get back to … whatever.” As the now constant flush crept further up his neck, Ryan wondered if he’d ever get better at interacting with his kid. Was it supposed to be this hard? Would he be putting his foot in his mouth during every conversation he had with her for the rest of his life?</p><p>“Yeah, I’m okay,” Nancy said, seeming calmer. Her lips twitched as a new emotion passed over her face. “And, um … Thanks for checking on me.”</p><p>“Anytime. That’s what I’m here for.” Though he meant what he said—perhaps more than he’d meant most things in his life—the sentence made his face burn even hotter. Hudsons did have an allergy to sincerity; he wondered if his attempts at being better meant he was now doomed to going about the next forty years of his life looking like a sunburnt tomato. He turned toward the door in embarrassment. </p><p>“Ryan!” Nancy called, a little too loudly considering they were only a few yards apart. “Lunch sounds good. I would like to go to lunch with you. I think that would be nice.” Her words were stilted and awkward, but genuine; she really did want to get lunch with him.</p><p>He couldn’t help it – a big, goofy smile came over his face, and though he knew it was impossible to hide, he tried anyways by ducking his head and running his hand through the back of his hair. “Okay. I’ll pick you up at noon.” </p><p>Nancy nodded at him, and something in the crinkle of her eyes suggested a smile, one that reminded him of Lucy.</p><p>“Ryan,” Ace nodded goodbye in some fleeting attempt at polite dignity, even as he stood mostly nude in the middle of a disheveled living room.</p><p>“Ace,” Ryan nodded back. He walked back to the door, throwing it open and holding it as he turned back to the couple.</p><p>“Hey Ace? Remember that thing I said to you at The Claw in all those months ago? About being a bigger part of my life than I anticipated? This really, really isn’t what I meant.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Apparently a new hobby of mine is writing Nancy Drew fanfiction? I didn't see it coming, but chapter three is already halfway done. </p><p>Let me know if you have any ideas for other moments that might push Nancy and Ryan toward more of a relationship! I only have a couple of ideas but I'll keep writing as long as there's inspiration :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. a sad day</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Nancy and Ryan have a bad day.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>WELL.... I actually finished this yesterday, and planned to publish it tonight, and then wouldn't you know it, tonight's episode was EXTREMELY SIMILAR as far as Nancy and Ryan go. I feel both proud that I am maybe a psychic and also bummed that they beat me to it, though I'll never complain about watching those two together on screen. Growth for Ryan! Bonding moments! Ryan and Carson learning to coexist! It's more than I dreamed of and maybe I cried, I'll never tell.</p><p>Nothing I've written was retconned by the episode, but it does make a little less sense if they've already held a funeral for Lucy. I was hoping to stay within canon as much as possible, but I really like this chapter so what the hell, I'm posting it anyways. </p><p>No Ace cameo here, but he should be back in the next chapter. I hope you enjoy!</p><p>TRIGGER WARNING: discussion of suicide</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ryan Hudson had become very accustomed to surprises – it was a side effect of spending time with Nancy. Almost nothing could rattle him anymore.</p><p>Still, it caught him off guard to see Nancy’s name pop up on his phone that Tuesday in August.</p><p>Nancy only called him when she needed something for a case – never about a personal problem. If Ryan wanted to spend time with her, he had to instigate it, through asking for a lunch date or eating dinner at The Claw during her shift. Once, he’d seen her walking downtown determinedly and intentionally stepped into her path, hoping she would need him for whatever new case she was working on. No matter how hard Ryan tried – and boy, was he trying – Nancy still seemed hesitant about having a familial or friendly relationship with him.</p><p>But he knew she wasn’t working a case, because he’d stopped by The Claw with a cup of fancy takeout coffee for her that morning, only to learn that she wasn’t on the schedule. When he asked where she might be – he’d already bought her the coffee, after all – Bess just said that she was taking the day off. No work, no case. If she didn’t need his connections or his money or his face (which tended to grant them more access than a mismatched crew of 20-somethings on their own), then she must need something else.</p><p>“Hello?”</p><p>“Hi,” Nancy huffed out, then paused. There was a lot of background noise, like she was somewhere with a lot of wind. “Can you –“</p><p>She cut off, choking on her words. Her voice was thick, like she had been crying. “Can you come up here?”</p><p>And he knew, then. It hit him all in that one terrifying, contradictory second that he was a) the worst father anyone had ever had, except maybe his own, and b) about to have the biggest parenting moment of his life thus far. </p><p>“Yes, I’m on my way. I’m coming, Nancy.”</p><p>Because today was August 31. Nancy’s birthday, and the day Lucy died. He hadn’t thought of it, somehow; at least, not consciously. Attempting to ignore it for so many years after Lucy’s death had become a habit, a survival mechanism, and it hadn’t been very long ago that he’d learned it was also the day Nancy was born. God, he was a piece of shit.</p><p>Ryan leaped into his car and headed to the cliffs, his body moving on autopilot. Internally, his mind was at war, one side screaming “just another opportunity to fuck everything up, better to run away than chance it” and the other whispering “she needs you. Nancy needs you. Nothing else matters.”</p><p>In the 10 minutes it took to reach the cliffs, the better part of Ryan had talked his degenerate half out of turning around and going home three times. Already he was emotionally exhausted, and he hadn’t even had to do anything yet. He was so caught up in his thoughts that he did not realize he had arrived until his eyes refocused and he saw his hands pull the car onto the turnoff, his foot pressing the brake as the car slowed to a stop. His mind still hadn’t caught up, but his body had taken him exactly where he needed to be.</p><p>To Nancy, standing far too close to the edge of the cliffs and looking out at the vast ocean. Her back was to him, and the wind was whipping her hair around in a frenzy. She stood perfectly still, like a statue in a storm.</p><p>As he watched her through his windshield, all he could think was that he wished she had called someone else. Ryan wanted to be here with her, wanted to be the person she called when she didn’t know who else to turn to, but he had no idea how to be the person she needed. It was too late to turn around and go home, pretend he hadn’t understood what she needed or that his car had died a couple miles back. Plus, that wasn’t who he was anymore. Or at least, it wasn’t the person he was trying to be. </p><p>He threw open the car door and nervously stepped out. He wasn’t even in charge of his limbs anymore; they were just continually propelling him forward even as his mind fretted and worked and wondered just what the hell he was going to say. </p><p>“Hi,” Ryan said, stopping a few feet behind Nancy. Well, it was far from original, but it would do.</p><p>“Hi,” Nancy said slowly, turning to face him. Her face was red and blotchy, with tears streaking down her cheeks and catching in the downturned corners of her mouth. <br/>In that moment, as he stared at his distraught daughter, every fear he had left his brain instantly. It wasn’t that he stopped being afraid; he was still scared shitless. His concerns just didn’t feel important anymore.</p><p>Ryan had never seen Nancy like this, so raw and open. He’d never seen even a fraction of the emotion on her face right now. He wasn’t an idiot; he knew what it cost her. </p><p>Nancy was not vulnerable by nature. She was like him in that way, convinced it was better to hide your fears and your feelings, lest someone use them against you or, worse, assume you were weak. Nancy was showing him a part of herself that she rarely shared with anyone. It was a gift, and no matter how terrified he was, he did not intend to waste it.</p><p>As Ryan contemplated his next words, Nancy wiped some of her tears and sniffled, then beat him to it.</p><p>“I’m sorry to bother you,” she said, adopting a painfully formal tone in an attempt to mask her sadness. “I shouldn’t have called, but you’re the only other person alive who understands what today is. How … how painful it is.”</p><p>“Yeah, I do understand that,” he said, taking a step closer. “I’ve been burying it for twenty years.”</p><p>Ryan didn’t know what else to say. There weren’t any words that felt right, that captured the enormity of the moment they were standing in. For lack of anything better to do, and feeling emboldened by Nancy’s vulnerability, Ryan did something he usually avoided at all costs: he said what he felt. </p><p>“Nancy, I don’t know how to do this. I don’t really know how to do anything when it comes to you, but this is … trying to figure out how to make you feel better right now is like … I don’t know, it’s like trying to speak a foreign language I’ve never even heard before.”</p><p>“I don’t need you to make me feel better,” she said, looking somewhere over his right shoulder. Though they were closer than they’d once been, neither had mastered the art of eye contact in emotional moments. “I just thought you might be able to make me feel … not alone.”</p><p>“I think I can do that,” Ryan said, smiling softly. “Maybe we could sit?”</p><p>At Nancy’s nod, the pair sat down, legs dangling off the ledge where Lucy tumbled off. Neither of them spoke, listening to the waves crash and the birds scream. It was morbid, possibly, but all in all it was one of the less morbid father-daughter bonding activities they’d had, so Ryan thought things were going pretty well, considering.</p><p>Until Nancy started hiccupping as even more tears fell off her chin and onto her jeans. Her crying had subsided briefly as they talked and sat, but it was back in force now.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” she said, attempting to calm her sobs and wipe away her tears.</p><p>Ryan’s heart clenched.</p><p>“You don’t have to apologize for crying, Nance. It’s a sad day,” he said, his voice cracking on the word “sad.” He was almost grateful, because he thought the emotion might have disguised his use of her nickname. He had absolutely no idea if they were in nickname territory yet, but it just kind of rolled off his tongue and she didn’t correct him so he thought maybe he could get away with it, just this one time.</p><p>“Yeah, it really is,” she said, her voice pitching up and down with her heaving breaths. “How do you normally spend it?”</p><p>“Normally? Nothing. I act like it’s a regular day, like Lucy never existed. I pretend to forget until I’ve convinced myself there was nothing to remember.”</p><p>“Damn,” Nancy said, her wit dry even as her face was wet. “You might be as fucked up as me.”</p><p>“Runs in the family, I guess,” Ryan muttered. “It never works though. By the time night rolls around I’ve forgotten I was trying to forget and all I can do is remember. I came up here a couple times in the early years, but no matter where I am, it all just comes rushing back.”</p><p>“Does it help? To remember her?” </p><p>“I don’t know. But it feels wrong not to,” he said softly.</p><p>“Do you think you could tell me about her? I know a little, from her diary and from her …” she hesitated, “spirit, I guess? But it would be nice to know more.”<br/>Ryan smiled. Nancy the detective, always wanting more information. But he was happy to oblige – this might be the only thing Nancy could’ve asked of him that he knew he could do. He may not know how to comfort her like a good father should, but he did know Lucy. </p><p>So Ryan talked. He told Nancy story after story about Lucy. Her favorite flavor of ice cream and the days they spent at the beach in summer. The way she was witty, but in a way that snuck up on you, so you laughed all the harder at her quips. He told Nancy about Lucy’s terrible posture that her mother always nagged her about, about the boyband she was obsessed with and the time he had to sneak her out of his parent’s mansion, resulting in both of them falling out of his bedroom window in a panic. </p><p>He told her everything he remembered about Lucy, and even though it was well over an hour since they sat down, he teared up when he couldn’t remember anything more. Twenty years was a long time to go without someone, and so much of Lucy had faded with time.</p><p>After Ryan had exhausted his memory, the pair fell into a reflective, companionable silence. He didn’t have much experience with contentment, but he thought maybe he felt it now. Even though today was sad and tragic and terrible, he couldn’t think of anything he’d rather be doing than sitting here beside Nancy.</p><p>Some time later, Nancy cleared her throat before speaking quietly, just barely audible over the wind and water.</p><p>“Do you think she did it?”</p><p>“Did what?” he asked. It was a stall tactic; he knew exactly what she was asking, he just didn’t want to answer it.</p><p>“Was it an accident, or did she jump? You knew her best … would she do that?” Nancy looked at him expectantly, and though he wanted to tell her a comforting lie, he couldn’t bring himself to do it.</p><p>“I don’t know,” he admitted with a sigh. “I want to believe that she just fell, that it happened fast and it was over before she knew what happened. I want to think that there’s no way she could’ve done it intentionally, that I would have known if she were heading towards that choice.”</p><p>“But?”</p><p>“But there’s a lot of things about Lucy that I didn’t see. That I missed. I guess you didn’t get your perceptiveness from me,” he said. In another conversation it might have been a funny aside, but instead it was tinged with regret.</p><p>Nancy stared out at the ocean, and Ryan looked at Nancy. She’d stopped crying a while ago, but her face still didn’t look normal. She looked older, somehow, world-weary and disheveled, but there was a determination in the set of her mouth as she came to a new conclusion.</p><p>“I think if she did …” she trailed off before taking a deep breath and beginning again. “If she chose that, then she regrets it now.  She wouldn’t have haunted us if she didn’t wish for a different ending. When I saw her, it always felt like … like she had unfinished business.”</p><p>“I bet she just wishes she could’ve watched you grow up. We have that in common.”</p><p>Nancy nodded, her eyes welling up. </p><p>“There’s a part of me that hopes she does regret it, at least a little, because sometimes I am so mad at her. Mad at her for leaving me, for not telling Carson and my mom about you. Mad at her for thinking I didn’t need her, because there have been many times when I really, really did,” Nancy pushed her hair out of her face as she steadied her voice. “But mostly … mostly I just hope she’s at peace now.”</p><p>“I think she is,” Ryan said with what he hoped was confidence, for Nancy’s sake. “Or at least I hope so. I really, really don’t want to be haunted again.”</p><p>A watery little chuckle escaped Nancy’s lips, even as more tears streamed down her face. He didn’t know what it was exactly – the sad laugh or the thousandth tear – but something about Nancy in that moment pushed him to breaking point. He couldn’t just sit there beside her anymore, hands twisting in his lap while she sat on hers to keep them from doing the same thing – like father, like daughter.</p><p>“Nancy?” </p><p>“Yes?” She said with a sniffle, turning to look him in the eyes.</p><p>“Can I – can I hug you?”</p><p>They’d never hugged before. The extent of their physical contact had been the bizarre, bloody hand holding at the attempted Aglaeca curse misdirection, and a couple of times he’d patted her shoulder or her hand. Both had been extremely awkward, and he’d never attempted it again.</p><p>Nancy looked startled – apparently the request was as foreign and surprising to her as it was to him – but after a few seconds, she nodded.</p><p>He breathed out in relief at her acquiescence, but tensed up again at the realization that he really did not know how to go about hugging Nancy. While asking her permission had been the right call – boundaries were important, he had learned – it created an aura of expectation and apprehension as they looked at each other with questions in their eyes. </p><p>Just as Ryan raised his hands to reach toward her, Nancy – always braver, always faster to act, always better – leaned in and nervously wrapped her arms around his waist. Not wanting to be outdone, he threw his arms around her shoulders and tentatively leaned his head against hers. </p><p>“This is pretty weird,” Nancy said, her voice muffled from where her face was pressed into his shirt.</p><p>He had to laugh at that, because she was right. It was new and different and awkward, but he found it comforting anyways. He assumed she felt the same, because she didn’t try to pull away.</p><p>Sitting there, on the cliff where Lucy died and Nancy was born, Ryan hugged his daughter for the first time. Against all odds, he felt genuine happiness. Today wouldn’t be a scrapbook-perfect memory, but maybe it was something better: a beginning.</p><p>After several seconds, Nancy pulled away, and Ryan let go reluctantly. </p><p>“It’s getting dark,” she said, rubbing her arms in the slight chill that had arrived as the sun went down.</p><p>“Yeah. Guess we better go.”</p><p>They stood up, brushing dust off their clothes. As they walked toward their respective cars, Nancy turned to wave, but Ryan interrupted before she could say goodbye.</p><p>“Hey, you’re 21 now, right? Let me buy you a drink.” Ryan wasn’t ready for this day with her to be over, and he was prepared to stretch it out however he could. Plus, all the emotion had left him craving something strong, aged and expensive.</p><p>Nancy smiled. “Sounds like a super healthy coping mechanism. Everett Hudson teach you that?”</p><p>“My dad taught me a lot of shitty things, but I learned the magic of a cocktail all on my own,” he said with a cocky smile. “I think it’s time I passed it on.”</p><p>Nancy looked at him curiously, trying to make up her mind. Whatever she saw in his face – if he were a betting man (and he was), he’d guess it was a sort of pleading affection, a “please let me be your dad for a little while longer” kind of look – must have convinced her.</p><p>“Lead the way.”</p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. holding it together</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ryan helps Nancy out of a bind and then teases her mercilessly.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ryan Hudson had just grabbed some shampoo for Mrs. Sable – rose-scented, just like she requested – and started walking back up the aisle when he painfully collided with a ginger-haired woman.</p><p>Upon closer inspection, he was surprised to learn that the very oblivious and impolite shopper was none other than his own flesh and blood. In her hands, she clutched a pregnancy test.</p><p>In lieu of real words, Ryan followed up the “oof” from getting the breath knocked out of him with the only thing that came to mind: </p><p>“Whoa.” </p><p>Ryan stared at Nancy, endless questions and an equal amount of concern in his eyes. She was shaky and frantic as she stared back.</p><p>Later, it would occur to Nancy that there were a million excuses she could’ve used. Obviously, the test might have been for George or Bess. (Bess was gay, but what did Ryan know? He’d had like two conversations with her.) Perhaps she needed it for a case – Nancy couldn’t think of a mystery-related justification, but surely there was something. Or hey, maybe her nonexistent cat was possibly pregnant.</p><p>But in the moment, her brain simply ceased functioning, her mouth opening and closing like a fish as she stared at Ryan, wide-eyed. She couldn’t come up with one single reason why she would be buying a pregnancy test – well, none except the truth. </p><p>“It’s … I … You see …” Apparently, the entire English language had flown straight out of her head.</p><p>“Nancy, what is going on?” Ryan asked, interrupting her incoherent babbling. Underneath his confusion, she detected a hint of parental disappointment, the kind she might have experienced in another life after she missed her curfew or failed a test. </p><p>Occasionally, there were moments when Nancy lamented all the moments she never had with Ryan. This was not one of them.</p><p>“I think I might be pregnant,” she admitted softly, abandoning all pretenses.</p><p>Six words. Ryan had rarely experienced such a range of emotions so rapidly, and certainly never because of six simple words. Shock. Disappointment. Fear. Anxiety. A very weird and fleeting moment of joy that was quickly replaced by anger.</p><p>“With whose baby?” He asked, his pitch rising almost comically.</p><p>Nancy looked affronted and placed her hands on her hips in indignance. </p><p>“Ace’s, obviously. You of all people should know that. Now be quiet, I don’t want anyone to see me buying this,” she whispered back angrily.</p><p>Hearing Nancy’s fear, Ryan crowded closer to her so they were smushed into the back of the pharmacy aisle, with toothbrushes on one side and tampons on the other. The test was hidden at Nancy’s side, and while they might look odd to other customers, at least no one could see what she was holding. </p><p>“If you didn’t want anyone to see you, why did you come to the smallest pharmacy in town?” Ryan whispered.</p><p>“Because I was panicking! I know how to solve mysteries, not deal with personal crises.”</p><p>“Touché.”</p><p>Nancy rolled her eyes, and Ryan was silent for a moment as he worked out what to do. </p><p>Horseshoe Bay was a small town – like, really small. And Nancy had made quite a name for herself through the years. People knew her, and people watched her. If she bought a pregnancy test, the news would be circling town by dinner time. Ace and Carson would probably both hear the news before Nancy even knew if she was pregnant or not. Ryan didn’t like admitting it, but both men deserved better, and this town had no right to drag his daughter’s name through the sexist, pig-headed mud.</p><p>“Give it to me,” he demanded, holding out his hand.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Hand it over before someone sees,” he said with more urgency. “I’ll buy it.”</p><p>“And say what?”</p><p>To Nancy’s fury, Ryan laughed.</p><p>“I don’t have to say anything. You think anyone will question why I’m buying a pregnancy test? Have you never heard a single rumor about me? I know you didn’t know me until recently, but trust me, this will surprise no one.”</p><p>Nancy knew he was lying. Maybe no one would be surprised, but they would certainly talk about it. Rumors would be flying for weeks about who Ryan Hudson had knocked up. Everett and Cecelia would be furious, and the press would dig even further into his life.</p><p>He may not pay as high a price as Nancy would, but what he was offering wasn’t nearly as easy as he was pretending it was. </p><p>Nancy looked at Ryan, at the sincerity in his eyes and the way he stood sheltering her in that pharmacy corner. He really wanted to help her, and she really did not want to take advantage, but she didn’t have a better option. Ryan wanted to be her dad, so she decided to let him take the fall – just this once. </p><p>Nancy didn’t know what to say, so she just dropped the test into his waiting hand.</p><p>“Thanks,” she muttered as she stared down at her shoes. </p><p>“What are fathers for if not to buy pregnancy tests for their wayward daughters?”</p><p>Nancy couldn’t help but roll her eyes again. Any more time spent with Ryan and they might just get stuck that way.</p><p>“Meet me by my car. I’ll be out in a second.”</p><p>Nancy didn’t have the stamina to argue, so she turned around and walked straight out of the pharmacy. </p><p>When Ryan walked out of the pharmacy a few minutes later, Nancy was leaning against the passenger side of his Porsche.</p><p>“I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this today. It’s my problem, not yours, so I’ll take it from here,” Nancy apologized.</p><p>Ryan took a deep breath in an effort not to grab Nancy and shake some sense into her.</p><p>“Nancy, it’s fine. I signed up for all of this, remember? Just, for once, let me help you,” Ryan said, annoyed.</p><p>“Okay. Thank you,” she replied quietly. </p><p>Nancy held her hand out for the brown paper bag, but Ryan walked to the other side of the car and hopped in, throwing the bag in the backseat. He rolled the passenger window down and leaned over to talk to her as she stood outside.</p><p>“What are you doing? Get in.”</p><p>“What? No. Give me the test so I can go home.”</p><p>“And leave you to find out potentially life-altering news on your own? In your dreams, Drew. That may have been your plan for the day, but what kind of parent would I be if I let you handle this all on your own?”</p><p>Nancy sighed, and then she gave up. She was tired, and Ryan already knew anyway, so what was the point? She settled into the car seat, unzipping and re-zipping her jacket to keep her hands occupied and they drove down winding streets.</p><p>“Do you want to talk about it?”</p><p>“Not really,” she said, with a note of finality.</p><p>Ryan sighed.</p><p>“If you are … you know … you can do whatever you want with it. I’ll drive you to the clinic today if you don’t want it. Or, if you do want it, that’s fine too. I have plenty of money, and we can figure it out …”</p><p>Ryan was babbling. Rationally, he knew that, but somehow his mouth was still moving, spewing plans and ideas and other nonsense, as if that was what Nancy needed right now. He couldn’t stop himself.</p><p>“Ryan, just, please. Please stop,” Nancy asked, practically pleading, her eyes squeezed tightly closed in discomfort and frustration.</p><p>“Yeah, yeah of course, sorry.”</p><p>They were silent for the rest of the drive to Ryan’s house. As soon as he pulled into the driveway, Nancy leaped out of his car and ran to the front door, punching in the code to unlock it (how the hell did she know that anyway?) and running inside. </p><p>When he reached the foyer, he could see the door to the bathroom was already shut. Nancy wasn’t one to wallow in uncertainty. Ryan marched into the kitchen and poured himself a healthy shot of bourbon.</p><p>He was leaning against the sink and taking his last sip when he heard footsteps behind him. He turned to see Nancy standing a few feet away, the test held tightly in one hand.</p><p>“It’s negative.”</p><p>Nancy’s look of relief sucked all the tension out of the room. Ryan could breathe again. They both smiled goofily, but covered it up quickly. Emotional vulnerability was still a challenge.</p><p>“Thank God. I am so not old enough to be a grandpa,” Ryan said, once again using humor to deflect. He was a little shaken by the events of the past half hour. Nancy was smart and capable, and while he didn’t understand exactly how this near-miss had occurred, he knew she could handle whatever happened. But she was only 21; so close in age to Lucy, and look how that had turned out. </p><p>“Yeah, that was definitely my biggest concern,” Nancy said sarcastically. She was joking back, but he could sense that something wasn’t quite right with her, either. The possibility of being pregnant had rattled her. It could’ve changed so much about her life, and Ace’s, and everything they were and hoped to be.<br/>“You know, if it was positive … he would stay. I know Lucy couldn’t trust me in this situation, but you can trust Ace.”</p><p>“Yeah, I know,” Nancy said. And she did know. Ace would stand by her no matter what. “Doesn’t make me any less glad that it’s negative, though.”</p><p>Ryan chuckled. “Understandable. You have a lot of life to live before that happens for real. Trust me, it’s better to prepare for parenthood than be blindsided by it.”</p><p>They stood in silence for a few minutes, both internally thanking the powers that be. Nancy was going to be okay. She wasn’t too sad, today’s crisis was averted and he’d been able to help her through it. For Ryan, that was a big win, and his mood lifted.</p><p>“So like, do we need to go back to that clinic and get you some birth control? Do I need to slip Ace some condoms next time I see him?”</p><p>“Oh my GOD. Ryan. Stop,” Nancy said, horrified.</p><p>“Hey, it’s not my fault if Carson didn’t raise you right. Did no one give you the sex talk? I’m all for making up for lost time, but that might be beyond me.” Ryan was enjoying this a little too much, but his opportunities for teasing Nancy were few and far between, so he’d take what he could get.</p><p>“Please stop talking. I have everything I need. It was just a fluke, and I can guarantee it’ll never happen again,” she said, begging him to shut up and stop embarrassing her.</p><p>“You better. Having an illegitimate daughter is difficult enough, I really don’t need to add an illegitimate grandchild to the mix. And what if it had Ace’s hair? You better thank whatever spirit is haunting you this week, because you really dodged a bullet today.”</p><p>Ryan was still laughing as Nancy walked away. He pretended not to notice the hand flipping him off behind her back.</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. building blocks</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ryan and Ace save Nancy.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Back in my A/N for chapter 3, I said Ace would be in chapter 4. That was a lie, whoops. But he’s back for 5! And it’s 4x as long as any previous chapter, which is probably not a great story structure but whatever, I’m a grown-ass lady and I make the rules. Also, Carson is here, because Ryan building a relationship with Nancy also means building one with Carson. I really love the buddy cop vibe they have going in the show, and I’m hoping the writers will keep playing with the idea of those two as dysfunctional coparents, because it’s hysterical and precious.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Bang. Bang. Bang.</strong>
</p><p>Ryan Hudson awoke with a start. He wished interrupted sleeping patterns weren’t such an everyday occurrence, but being Nancy’s father came with some drawbacks. She probably needed a blank check, or the name of one of his contacts.</p><p>He blearily stumbled out of bed and down the hall. The banging continued, this time accompanied with a voice: “Ryan! Open up!”</p><p>That was odd. It was a male voice – certainly not Nancy. The visitor was still banging when Ryan reached the door and unlocked it.</p><p>As he pulled on the handle, a large, blurry mass of hair and blue puffy jacket shoved past him and into the foyer with enough force to throw Ryan against the wall.</p><p>“What the hell?” Ryan yelled, but even as he said it, he realized that the intruder was Ace, and he’d been carrying Nancy, who was now splayed out on the hardwood floors, pale and barely conscious.</p><p>“Do you have an EpiPen?” Ace yelled. His expression was wild and frantic, a total departure from his typically calm façade.</p><p>“What? Yeah, in my bedroom.”</p><p>“Go get it! Nancy got stung by a wasp and she’s in anaphylactic shock.”</p><p>Instantly, Ryan’s bleary confusion lifted. He sprinted to his nightstand, grabbing the plastic tube out of the drawer. As he headed back to the entryway, he ran so fast that his socks slid across the floor, barely managing to stay upright.</p><p>In Ryan’s brief absence, the rest of Nancy’s friends had entered the house, and they were crowded around her still body on the floor. Her eyes were closed and her face shiny from a cold sweat. She was shaking slightly, and her breathing was off somehow.</p><p>“Move!” Ryan yelled as he reached the group. They all scattered out of the way, except for Ace, who kept one hand on Nancy’s cheek, the other clutching her clammy hand as he leaned over her.</p><p>Ryan dropped to his knees on Nancy’s other side. As he fiddled with the medical device, recalling how to use it and working up the courage to stab her with it, he could hear Ace whispering to Nancy in a continuous stream: “it’sokayit’sallgonnabeokayi’vegotyou.”</p><p>“Hold her still,” Ryan said, making eye contact with Ace. The younger man looked pained, but he put both his hands on Nancy’s shoulders, pressing them into the floor. Nick dropped to the floor and held Nancy’s ankles – if she moved too much while he was injecting the epinephrine, he could cause even more damage.</p><p>“Okay, Nancy? I’m gonna have to inject the EpiPen now,” Ryan said, grabbing her hand. “It’s all okay, but it might hurt a little.”</p><p>Nancy nodded feebly, her eyes squinched shut as she focused on drawing breath.</p><p>Ryan counted down under his breath. He was terrified of needles, and the thought of jabbing Nancy with one was enough to make him nauseous. But he was the only one who really knew how to do this – a byproduct of the apparently genetic wasp allergy – and he’d do anything to save Nancy, so he stabbed the pen down onto her thigh and held it there for three full seconds.</p><p>Over the past year – a long, arduous, often terrifying and emotionally exhausting year – Ryan had learned that time was fluid. In awful situations, time could pass so slow that you could count your companion’s blinks, or see the spaces between raindrops. But it could also pass so quickly that you didn’t really understand what had happened until minutes or hours or even days later. Fear was a powerful drug.</p><p>This was one of the slow times. In that three seconds that he held the needle in Nancy’s thigh, Ryan felt like he saw everything. He could see Nancy’s muscles tense up in response to the sharp pain and intense drugs coursing through her system. He could see the way Nick’s eyes narrowed as he focused on holding her legs steady, and the way George and Bess’ breathing had synchronized as they held each other from a few feet away.</p><p>Was this what shock felt like? He felt there were a million other things he should be doing, but instead he was just holding the EpiPen and watching.</p><p>Mostly, out of all the things he could see in that endless three-second window of time, he saw Ace.</p><p>Ryan had seen a lot of sides of Ace in the past few months. Frustration, when Ryan and Carson fought over Nancy. Happiness, when Nancy put a hand on his thigh that time they all got lunch together. Sadness, anytime Nancy was upset. Really, he’d seen more of Ace’s emotions than he ever would have imagined, given his typically stoic and mellow exterior.</p><p>But this was different. Ace was afraid. Not scared-of-a-ghost afraid, or nervous-to-interact-with-one-of-Nancy’s-difficult-fathers afraid. He was a man so dismayed by the thought of losing Nancy that he couldn’t move, couldn’t even look away from her.</p><p>In some ways, Ryan could relate. He couldn’t fathom losing his daughter. As he pulled the needle out of Nancy’s leg, rubbing the injection site for 10 seconds – just like his mother taught him all those years ago, in case of emergency – Ace was still fully focused on Nancy, pushing her hair away from her face and whispering “it’s going to be okay, I’m here, we’re here, it’s all okay,” over and over again.</p><p>Ryan knew Nancy and Ace were serious. She’d never explicitly told Ryan that, but he wasn’t an idiot. But he hadn’t known it was quite <em>this</em> serious. Ace was looking at her like he was totally uninterested in living without her, like this moment was all he had to live for.</p><p>“Did you call 911?” Ryan asked, putting aside his observations for more pressing matters. No one responded, though they all let out a sigh of relief as he looked up at them.</p><p>“Did <em>anybody</em> call an ambulance? This isn’t a joke, epinephrine only works for so long!” He barked, his patience worn thin from worry.</p><p>“Yes, yes, we called 911 on the way here,” Bess answered. Her voice was shaking. “That was like 10 minutes ago, it shouldn’t be long before they arrive.”</p><p>“Okay. Okay.” For the first time in what felt like several minutes, Ryan took a breath. He grabbed Nancy’s shoulder. “You’re going to be okay Nance. Everything’s alright now.”</p><p>Her eyelids opened marginally, and her lips moved as she mouthed something like “thanks.” Though she was still pale enough to be on death’s door, her breath was stronger, and she seemed more in control of her movement as she grabbed onto Ace’s hand, clutching it for dear life. With the other, she patted Ryan’s arm absently, as if she didn’t know quite what to do with it.</p><p>The panic of the past few minutes had destroyed any of Ryan’s insecurities, so he held her hand like he presumed a good father should, totally unbothered by the uncertainty that would’ve plagued him in any other interaction with Nancy.</p><p>Ryan fell back on his heels and scrubbed his free hand hand down his face. Though there was a moment of relief in knowing that he’d done what he could, and more help was on the way, he still felt like he was balancing on a knife’s edge. Everyone else appeared to feel the same way, barely breathing, hands shaking, nervously focusing every ounce of concentration they had left on Nancy’s prone form.</p><p>“What the fuck happened tonight?”</p><p>No one seemed particularly inclined to answer, which was typical. It was Ace who finally tore his eyes away from his girlfriend and answered Ryan.</p><p>“We were investigating in the woods, up by that old abandoned church a couple miles from here. I guess a wasp stung her while we were out there. She didn’t even notice until at least a few minutes later, when I asked why she was scratching her arms uncontrollably. None of us had cell service up there, and we were a ways away from Florence, so we just hurried her back to the car as fast as we could. We didn’t know how bad it would be, or if we would make it to the hospital in time, and she couldn’t really talk by then. So I just told Nick to drive us here, because I knew you were allergic too.”</p><p>“That was a good plan, Ace. You did the right thing,” Ryan said. He could tell Ace was barely hanging on by the way his hands were shaking uncontrollably. Ryan knew a panic attack when he saw one.</p><p>“Um, yeah, thanks,” Ace said, his voice as shaky as his hands. He looked at Ryan, clearly fighting back tears. Though Ryan was learning more about how to comfort Nancy in times of stress, he was at a loss with Ace, so he was relieved to hear sirens as red and white flashing lights shone into the house.</p><p>Though the EpiPen injection had slowed time down, the chaos of emergency services arriving made everything speed up. The EMTs entered, and Ryan, as somehow the most put-together member of the group at that moment, explained what had happened and what he’d done to help. They loaded Nancy onto gurney and wheeled her out into the driveway. Though they had to let go of her hands while the EMTs checked her over, both Ryan and Ace refused to leave her side, especially once the EMTs declared that though she was temporarily stable, she would need to go to the hospital for follow-ups.</p><p>Nancy had perked up enough to squeeze both their hands one more time as they lifted her into the back of the ambulance, saying, of course, “I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me.” She even attempted a small half-smile, seeming to reassure them.</p><p>Ryan chuckled sardonically at the thought of his daughter trying to comfort him when she’d nearly died. Ace just looked annoyed, but he kissed her hand before she was pulled into the vehicle completely. The doors slammed shut and the ambulance pulled away, leaving Ace and Ryan standing silent and ram-rod straight as the lights turned the corner.  </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p>Forty-five minutes later, Ace and Ryan were in much the same position, except now they were sitting side by side in a hospital waiting room. Ace was staring listlessly at the weird abstract hospital art on the opposite wall, and Ryan was hunched over with his head in his hands, lost in an endless loop of fear-laden, furious thoughts.</p><p>They’d never officially decided to keep Nancy’s true parentage a secret – never had a conversation about it, or weighed the pros and cons – but it had just seemed like the practical choice. Why risk the wrath of Everett and Celia, why put her in danger from every Hudson enemy, for no good reason?</p><p>Now, though, he had found a very good reason for Nancy to announce to the world who her biological father was. The nurses refused to update him or Ace on Nancy’s condition, citing privacy laws because neither of them were legal relatives. He’d offered bribes and even yelled at a passing doctor (he wasn’t Nancy’s doctor, so he had no idea what was going on, but it made Ryan feel marginally better anyway), but they refused to budge.</p><p>Once this was over with, Nancy would be listing him as an emergency contact in her phone and on every medical form and college application. He’d make sure of it, because this … this was hell.</p><p>Thankfully, from down the hall came the sound of shoes squeaking on linoleum floors, and Ryan wasn’t surprised to see Carson Drew sprint into the waiting room, his normally calm face now belying inner hysteria.</p><p>“What happened? Where is Nancy?”</p><p>Ryan stood up and began to explain, but a nurse popped up from her nearby station, interrupting with a polite “Mr. Drew? You can see your daughter now, just follow me.” Without another word, Carson followed her through a door at the end of the hall.</p><p>Well isn’t that just great, Ryan thought as he sank dejectedly back into his chair. Ryan waits for an update for nearly an hour, but the second Carson shows up, the nurses know him and escort him right where he needs to be.</p><p>Rationally, he knew the nurses nor Carson were out to get him, but the high emotion of the evening had stripped whatever patience he normally possessed. It was now nearly 3 a.m., and the only thing keeping him conscious was the idea of seeing Nancy, safe and whole.</p><p>After an endless 22 minutes – he’d counted each one as the clock’s ticking hand passed twelve – Carson reappeared.</p><p>“She’s okay,” he announced. “They’ve run tests, and she doesn’t seem to have any ill effects from the anaphylaxis. They’re just going to keep her overnight for observation, but she should be fine.” He smiled as he said it, unable to hide his relief.</p><p>Ryan was now standing, his legs having apparently taken the initiative without his knowledge when Carson came back, but they were shaking as pure relief coursed through his body.</p><p>“Ryan, you saved her. I can’t … I’ll never be able to thank you for that,” Carson cleared his throat. “You can go in and see her now, one at a time. She’s awake.”</p><p>Ryan’s first instinct was to sprint to Nancy’s room, but a sound from behind made him turn around and hesitate.</p><p>Sitting next to Ryan’s recently vacated chair was Ace, failing to cover up slightly choked sighs of relief as tears coursed down his face.</p><p>“She’s okay?” He asked, looking between Carson and Ryan like he couldn’t quite believe it.</p><p>Ryan was a selfish bastard sometimes; it was in his nature. Every part of his being wanted to see with his own eyes that Nancy was okay – as her father, as the man who’d had to use the EpiPen, he deserved that, right?</p><p>He did. But he also wasn’t blind. Ace had endured far more than either of Nancy’s fathers today, with it falling on his shoulders to get her to safety in the first place. He had done the most to save her, and he was barely, <em>barely </em>keeping it together. So maybe, for this one moment, Ryan could be unselfish.</p><p>“Ace … why don’t you go first?”</p><p>Both Carson and Ace looked at him incredulously, but Ace didn’t have to be told twice. He wiped his face with his sleeve and jogged down the hallway, slamming through those double doors.</p><p>Ryan just plopped back into his chair and settled in for another round of waiting. Carson sat next to him, periodically shooting confused looks at him.</p><p>“Why did you do that?” Carson asked after a few minutes.</p><p>“Do what?”</p><p>“Let Ace go first.”</p><p>“Because he saved her life today,” Ryan said simply.</p><p>“So did you.”</p><p>“Yeah. But I had the resources – I had the EpiPen, and all I had to do was use it. Ace was stuck in the woods and had to figure a way out, without cell service, without medical help. I’m pretty sure he carried her through the woods, did you notice all the scratches and dirt on him?”</p><p>Ryan paused, unsure exactly where he was going with this.</p><p> </p><p>“I guess I let him go first because he’s been sitting here beside me for an hour, barely keeping it together. And before that he held her hand the whole time she was in shock. You told me she was okay, so I can wait a few more minutes, and I let Ace go because … I’ve been there. I’ve had to sit powerless while the girl I loved suffered, and it was the worst thing that ever happened to me. They both deserve a happier ending than I got.”</p><p>Ryan wasn’t really sure if anything he’d said made sense, so he just waited while Carson sat silently for a few minutes, processing. Suddenly, he spoke up:</p><p>“Wait, loved? You think they’re in love?”</p><p>Ryan looked at Carson in disbelief.</p><p>“I know they’re in love. Where have you been?”</p><p>“Right here, trying to rebuild my relationship with my daughter,” Carson said, shooting Ryan a look. Ryan sent one back, both choosing not to acknowledge the fact that they were in virtually the exact same position and were both partially responsible for it. “Did she tell you she loved him?”</p><p>“Nancy? Are you kidding? No way,” Ryan scoffed. “No, I just know. I suspected they were building toward it for a while, when I saw the way they were together all the times I was dragged around for Aglaeca shit. Then I walked in on them having sex on your living room floor –“</p><p>“I’m sorry, what?”</p><p>“- which was horrifying, but it confirmed a lot of my suspicions. And then they were official or whatever, but I still wasn’t sure exactly what they were until tonight.”</p><p>“Why tonight?”</p><p>“Well, I mean, you know Ace. He has that chill, stoned vibe. I’ve never really seen him upset, and that’s saying something, because we’ve been in a lot of upsetting situations together. But tonight, he was like a different person. I guess I never really understood the phrase ‘like a man possessed’ until now. He was holding her and whispering soothing words in her ear and just looking at her like … like she was the only thing in the whole world. Like he would give everything he had just to make her okay.”</p><p>Carson was quiet for several minutes.</p><p>“Well fuck.”</p><p>Though the stress of the evening had pushed Ryan so far past strung-out that he was bordering on comatose, he still laughed. He’d never once heard Carson curse, or even say anything remotely inappropriate.</p><p>“You didn’t know?”</p><p>“I knew they were dating. We’ve had Ace over for dinner a few times, and I knew Nancy liked him. I like him, too. But I didn’t know we were … there yet. I know she’s an adult, technically, and this isn’t her first relationship, but I thought I had more time before she was <em>that</em> serious with someone,” Carson trailed off, waiting a few seconds to pick up again.</p><p>“… I guess maybe I just didn’t want to see it. I wanted to believe I had years and years left with just us, just the two of us. But I guess it hasn’t really been just us for a while now,” he said, looking at Ryan. “I’m glad she has you, you know.”</p><p>“I’m lucky to have her too.”</p><p>Ryan wasn’t really in the mood for a heart-to-heart with Carson Drew – he’d had enough emotion in this one evening to last for the rest of his life – and frankly, he was tired of waiting. He was only generous to a point, and Ace had been with Nancy for a solid 10 minutes. No, he’d followed enough rules tonight, so what was the harm in breaking a stupid one about one-at-a-time visiting?</p><p>Standing up, he quietly said, “I’m going to see my daughter.”</p><p>Carson looked slightly disapproving, but he didn’t try to stop Ryan. If there was one thing they understood about each other, it was how much they cared about Nancy.</p><p>Ryan slipped past the nurse’s station and through the doors, peeking into open doorways as he searched for her. At the fifth door on his left, he finally saw them.</p><p>Nancy was propped up in a hospital bed, looking sleepy but decidedly <em>alive</em>, with a soft smile on her face to boot. She was looking down to where one of her hands was combing through Ace’s hair; he was sitting in a chair next to the bed, his head on her thigh and his eyes closed.</p><p>As Ryan stepped into the room, Nancy looked up.</p><p>“Shhh. He’s asleep,” she said, putting a finger to her lips.</p><p>“You should be too, you went through a lot today,” Ryan whispered, coming to a stop beside her bed.</p><p>“Yeah, well. Just a day’s work,” she said, chuckling quietly.</p><p>“You think you could try not to make near-death experiences so common? You’re going to send me to an early grave.”</p><p>“Sorry. No promises, but I can try,” she paused, taking a deep breath before she looked straight into his eyes. “Thank you, Ryan. You saved my life today.”</p><p>“All in a day’s work,” he said, echoing her earlier statement. Nancy laughed.</p><p>“I had some help,” he said, nodding at Ace. “And really I was just returning the favor.”</p><p>“When have I saved your life before?”</p><p>Ryan had walked right into that one, but he didn’t particularly want to answer. The truth was, she’d saved his life from boring, superficial, extravagant monotony the day she’d told him he was her dad, and more or less made it better every day since. But he wasn’t quite ready to say <em>that </em>yet.</p><p>“Oh, I don’t know. I’m sure you’ve been up to many weird, mystical things that I don’t know about,” he said, deflecting. “Seriously though, you’re carrying an EpiPen from now on, and you and all your friends will be thoroughly trained in how to use it. And you’re listing me as an emergency contact on all your goddamned medical forms. I can’t go through tonight again.”</p><p>“Okay,” Nancy said simply. Something in her simple acceptance of his wishes clued him in to the fact that he must have been visibly panicked tonight. Nancy wouldn’t agree to anything he suggested so quickly if it wasn’t clear that he needed it, desperately. He needed to ensure she was safe and he could help her, always. Her understanding of that made his eyes water.</p><p>Ryan cleared his throat, and then kept going. Maybe he couldn’t tell her that she’d scared the shit out of him and that this night had made him realize just how much he loved her – not yet, not now, when he was so drained he barely knew up from down, and he still had no idea how she would respond to declarations of a father’s love, from <em>him</em> – but he could say it in a different way.</p><p>“And stay out of the woods, please, especially in summer, damn wasps are everywhere. Maybe, actually, we should get you a bunch of different EpiPens, one for your purse, one for your car, one at the Claw –“</p><p>“Okay, okay! You can buy me as many EpiPens as you want, jeez. Anything more and I might start to think you were worried about me,” Nancy said with a smile. Ah, they were teasing now. That, he could do.</p><p>“Yeah, well, maybe I’ve started to care about you, just a little bit. Like a mangy stray cat that wandered up to the house and just won’t leave.”</p><p>“Ha ha,” she said, but the rest of her words were cut off by a huge yawn.</p><p>“You should sleep.”</p><p>“Yeah, I guess I should,” Nancy agreed. Without any further ado, she turned her head to the side and closed her eyes, digging her fingers further into Ace’s hair, where they’d been throughout the entire conversation.</p><p>Ryan knew he was supposed to leave now. It was probably weird that he didn’t plan to, but he was past caring. Instead, he pulled up a chair by Nancy’s side and sat, needing to just be there and reassure himself that she was okay.  </p><p>A few minutes later, a nurse came in to shoo him away. Her whispered tirade about “rules” and “patient health” was interrupted by none other than Carson, who used his lawyering abilities to persuade her to leave them be.</p><p>After that, no one said a word; Carson simply pulled a chair up next to him, and they both sat silently as they watched their daughter breathe and sleep and <em>exist</em>.</p><p>Ryan still thought it was probably a super weird thing to do, and he didn’t relish the thought of Nancy or Ace waking up to find her two dads watching them sleep. But for once, he and Carson were united in something, and that was a nice feeling.</p><p>Nancy would never know how creepy her fathers were, Ryan thought as he drifted off in the chair, Carson doing the same beside him. They’d be gone before she woke up.</p><p>Nancy never told anyone about waking up a few hours later, surrounded by the three most important people in her life. She hadn’t even told Ryan he was that important yet, but she would one day. For now, she was content to drift back to sleep, guarded by three people who would die before they ever let anything bad happen to her. Her last thought as she fell asleep was that, for all that she enjoyed her dangerous, risk-taking life, safety wasn’t so bad sometimes.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. next big thing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ryan uses his detective skills. Ace is a bad liar (shocker). Nancy learns something new.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>My apologies for the very long wait since my last update! This chapter nearly killed me. Trying to work out where this story is going and how I’m getting there was much more challenging than I anticipated, but I think I’ve got it worked out now. Looks like there will be 10 chapters total. Can’t promise how often the updates will come - grad school is unpredictable - but the story will be finished eventually. Happy reading!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Ryan Hudson could have guessed that becoming a father would change his life. But he really did not anticipate how often his day-to-day existence would be interrupted by his daughter. Had she been a toddler, it might have made sense, but at 21 years old, this was getting a little ridiculous.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Random requests for money to purchase whatever spiritual tchotchke she needed that week, or breaking into one of his family’s properties on an investigation, or bumping into him at the weirdest times around town … It wasn’t that he didn’t want to see her. Actually, he’d spent months seeking out every possible opportunity to spend time with her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But they were closer now, so he saw her all the time, and he was still adjusting. Before Nancy, he did whatever he wanted whenever he wanted to do it. Now, he was beholden to someone else, and that came with changes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So he wasn’t surprised to hear a knock on his door late that Wednesday evening, though he was undoubtedly annoyed at the terrible timing of it all. He threw open the door to find an unfortunately familiar sight: Ace.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Given last month’s events, only one reason for Ace’s visit came to mind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong? Is Nancy okay?” He spat out, immediately concerned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. Hi, Mr. H,” Ace stammered, looking confused. He refused to call Ryan by his first name, no matter how many times Ryan requested it. “Yeah, Nancy’s fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ryan breathed a sigh of relief. His nerves really could not handle another anaphylactic episode; Nancy and her antics would be the death of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, that’s a relief. What do you need, then? Money? A car? Another awkward road trip? I gotta tell you, I’m really not up for that last one, I have company.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ace looked surprised and peered over Ryan’s shoulder. Ryan turned to look too, slightly smug at who he knew sat on the couch behind him – a beautiful blonde woman, her long legs and bare feet propped up on the coffee table. She smiled at the pair when she noticed them looking, taking a long sip from her glass of red wine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Ryan turned back to shoo Ace away, he caught a glimpse of his reflection in the window by the door. His top two shirt buttons were undone, his clothing rumpled, and there was a smear of red above his lip. Jesus, was Ace blind?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Actually, you know what, I totally forgot that I’m supposed to meet my parents for dinner, so I’d better be going,” Ace said awkwardly. Okay, so maybe he wasn’t blind. But as much as Ryan wanted Ace gone so he could resume his previous activities, something about the situation just didn’t sit right.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s past midnight, Ace. Who eats dinner at this time of night?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s, a um … Jewish thing.” Damnit. That was lie if ever he’d heard one, and now he was obligated to figure out what the hell was going on with Ace. And if something was going on with Ace, Nancy was almost certainly involved.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, that might have worked on me a year ago, but I’m not as oblivious as I once was. Why are you here Ace? Does Nancy need something?” He didn’t even bother to hide his annoyance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not in the … typical sense, no,” Ace said hesitantly. He really was an awful liar. “I thought she was here, seems like we had a miscommunication. I’ll just leave and give her a call, nothing for you to worry about.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why would you think Nancy was here? I’m not even supposed to be here. I’ve been on a business trip for two weeks and was supposed to be gone until Friday, except I got done early. But the only person who knows that is Carol. So, Ace, I’ll ask again: why are you here? I know something’s up, and I’d rather hear about it now than when someone ends up hospitalized or possessed or dead,” Ryan said, his words coming faster as he got more frustrated. He only wanted </span>
  <em>
    <span>one </span>
  </em>
  <span>night without interruptions.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She said she’s been watering the plants while you’re away, and so I just thought maybe she was here doing that, but clearly she isn’t, so I’ll just go. See you soon, Mr. H!” Ace turned to leave, but Ryan grabbed his shoulder, keeping him on the door mat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s weird, because I don’t have any plants. I can’t keep one alive to save my life. Now why would you be here, at my house, in the middle of the night, to see Nancy, who does not live here, when I’m supposed to be out of town?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As soon as Ryan asked the question, he realized he already knew the answer. He’d been 21 once, after all; it wasn’t so hard to deduce what Ace’s motivations might be.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jesus Christ. Ace, seriously? Have you two been hooking up here while I was away?” There was a part of him that wanted to laugh at the ridiculousness of it all. The rest of him was just pissed that his evening with Carol had been ruined.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ryan watched Ace’s face go through a series of comical contortions as he thought through his options. God, he was a horrific liar. Ryan could practically see each thought as it passed through his brain: lie, run away, tell the truth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thankfully, he settled on the latter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The thing is, Mr. H, we both still live with our parents, and so it can be difficult to … spend time together,” Ace cleared his throat, but it did nothing to distract from the blush coloring his cheeks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Deep breath in, deep breath out. He didn’t want to be mad, but at this point, there was just no avoiding it. He scrubbed his hand down his increasingly red face and looked at Ace with thinly veiled ire.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I can imagine that might be difficult. The thing is, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Ace, </span>
  </em>
  <span>that you seem to have forgotten something. I am also a parent, and now you have put me in a very, very awkward position.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was ironic that Nancy and Ace had come to </span>
  <em>
    <span>his</span>
  </em>
  <span> house to avoid getting caught by Carson or Ace’s parents. He was a parent too, and more than that, he had a life, one the pair seemed determined to interrupt. Now, instead of settling down on the couch with Carol and a bottle of wine, he had to get rid of Ace. And, now that he came to think of it, Nancy, because wherever Ace was, she was sure to be, too. She was probably lurking in some corner of the house, waiting for Ace, unable to leave after he and Carol had unexpectedly arrived. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>While Ryan was thinking, Ace had opened his mouth to reply, but nothing came out, so he just closed it again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ryan, too, was out of words, and in lieu of saying something he would regret and that Nancy would undoubtedly be mad at him for, he was content to just stare angrily back at Ace.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The staring contest was interrupted by the arrival of Carol, who must have overheard the entire conversation and decided it was time to intervene. Damn this woman and her incessant need to help people solve problems … but he’d be lying if he said he didn’t instantly relax when she looped her arm through his.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi Ace,” she said kindly, extending a hand toward him. “I’m Carol. Do you remember me? I’m the guidance counselor at Keene High School.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ace’s eyes lit up in recognition, though he still looked thrown by the entire situation. Ryan couldn’t really blame him; he hadn’t dated seriously since Tiffany died, and he also hadn’t gotten around to telling Nancy about Carol yet. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to, but he was afraid of jinxing the best thing that had happened to him since he found out Nancy was his daughter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh yeah, of course. Hi, Ms. Coleman,” Ace said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, call me Carol,” she replied. Ace nodded and shook her hand. “Why don’t you come inside? It’s not exactly warm out there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh great. So this was going to get even worse. To his credit, Ace looked about as unhappy about the prospect of entering the house as Ryan felt, but he stepped inside anyway, polite to a fault.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Ace followed Carol through the foyer, Ryan stayed back and slammed the front door shut behind him. He really had lost all control of this situation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would you like a drink? Ryan has everything, and it all costs more than I get paid in a month,” Carol asked with a chuckle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, sure. Whatever’s easiest,” Ace said, looking uncomfortable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Good, Ryan thought. He should be.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A rum and coke it is,” she said. As she turned toward the liquor cabinet, she reached an arm behind her and grabbed Ryan, tugging him along and into a whispered conversation as she started on Ace’s drink.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, does Nancy always break into your home, or is this a new development in your relationship?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If only. It’s actually a fairly common occurrence.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where do you think she’s hiding?” She asked, her eyes lighting up in amusement. This was fun for her, Ryan realized, but he was failing to see the humor in it when all he could think about were the activities Ace had so rudely interrupted. It took everything in his power to drag his eyes away from her lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hard to say. She’s pretty good at escaping, so she could have climbed out a window and already be halfway across town. I doubt she’d leave Ace here, though. She’s probably upstairs, if I had to guess.” Keeping up with Nancy was making him a detective in his own right; her deductive skills must be rubbing off on him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Carol was filling a glass with two fingers of rum, but she was looking over her shoulder as she did, smiling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I like him. He was such a sweetheart in school, not like the lacrosse players who would do everything they could to get referred to my office so they could steal candy from my desk and ogle me. He was always kind to everyone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Behind them, Ace had pulled out his phone and was attempting to surreptitiously send a text.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah, sure, he’s a pretty cool kid, but I’m growing less fond of him by the second.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Should I not have invited him inside? I’m sorry, I thought … I thought it would be a good chance to meet him, and Nancy. But I shouldn’t have assumed, it’s your decision obviously, if you don’t want me to meet her yet …” Carol was doing that thing he often did, when he felt worried and awkward and couldn’t seem to stop talking, the words tumbling out faster and faster.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She thought she’d overstepped, when really all he wanted was for her to meet Nancy, for them to get along. Here he was, unable to focus on anything except the way her dress hugged her hips, while she was thinking ahead to meeting his daughter and inviting Ace in for a drink so she could get to know him, too. God, he didn’t deserve her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, it’s not that, I –“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was interrupted by Ace, because of course he was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry to bother you, may I use your restroom?” Ace asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh sure, it’s just there on your right,” Carol said, pointing towards a door just a few feet away from him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh um… any chance I could use one upstairs? I have a fear of ground floor toilets.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ryan rolled his eyes so hard he thought he might be able to see his own brain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Carol just raised her eyebrows and went along with the blatant lie. “Sure. Up the stairs to the left.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks so much,” Ace said, turning quickly to avoid Ryan, who was trying to send laser beams out of his eyes to obliterate Ace where he stood.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ace walked up the stairs, trying and failing to be casual. Once he was in the hallway and out of earshot, Carol turned back to Ryan.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look at you, Detective Hudson. Guess you were right about Nancy’s hiding place.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve never wanted to be wrong this much in my life,” he said, dragging his eyes all the way up her body, lingering a little longer on the neckline of her dress than was strictly necessary.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Carol blushed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well,” she said, clearing her throat. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>That</span>
  </em>
  <span> will have to wait a little while longer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed. Hopefully, not that much longer. “I’ll be right back,” he said, kissing her cheek as he turned toward the staircase.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Though he was tempted to stomp up the stairs and make a scene just to embarrass Nancy – she certainly deserved it – it occurred to him that it might be more fun to give them a taste of their own medicine. Just a couple of months ago, Nancy had taught him how to ascend stairs silently by carefully balancing on the balls of his feet. This seemed like as good a time as any to try it out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he made it to the top of the stairs, he put his ear near the wall, listening for voices. Sure enough, he could just make out pieces of a whispered conversation happening around the corner.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“- a lady friend,” Ace said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nancy’s response was hard to make out, but it sounded suspiciously like “ew.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll never,” – inaudible – “it’s Counselor Coleman!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The pair must have moved closer to the stairs, or else started talking louder, because the next part of their conversation was clear as day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Seriously? What’s with my fathers and guidance counselors?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ryan huffed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s definitely a metaphor in there somewhere,” Ace replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ryan was really not in the mood to listen to his daughter and her boyfriend psychoanalyze him, so he decided it was time to intervene. He’d be lying if he said the surprised look on Nancy’s face as he stepped around the corner didn’t bring him great joy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You might want to be careful which investigative tricks you teach me; turns out it can bite you in the ass. Are you two done getting your story straight?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nancy sighed, shrugging her shoulders at Ace as she turned to look at Ryan.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, look, I’m sorry.” To her credit, she did look legitimately apologetic. “I know this is dumb and I’m too old for this and you can do whatever Carson-approved parenting thing you want. Lecture me, make a disappointed face, I don’t care. We’re just finding it difficult to spend time together, because we’re constantly surrounded by coworkers or friends or parents. We were frustrated and when you left town for a while, I saw an opportunity. But I get that it wasn’t cool, and, yeah,” she trailed off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ryan stared up at the ceiling, debating his next move. He could be pissed. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>was </span>
  </em>
  <span>pissed, honestly. But he understood where they were coming from – he’d been in their shoes once, too. And there was a certain allure in reacting differently than how perfect-parent Carson Drew might. He was thankful for the older man, but that didn’t mean there wasn’t still a sense of competition between them. Ryan found he liked the idea of being the cool dad.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Believe it or not, I get it. As you well know, I have plenty of experience hiding details of my private life from my parents. Don’t get me wrong, this is super gross, and you can never </span>
  <em>
    <span>ever</span>
  </em>
  <span> have sex in my house again, but that’s not actually why I’m mad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okaaaaay,” Nancy said, drawing out the word in confusion. “Thanks, that’s … nice. Then what are you upset about?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This sexcapade of yours has kind of ruined </span>
  <em>
    <span>my</span>
  </em>
  <span> plans for the evening.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What, a therapy session?” Nancy chuckled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess you could call it that,” Ryan muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>All three were silent as the implications of Ryan’s statement sunk in. He hadn’t intended to let the innuendo slip out, but they sort of deserved it for derailing his evening.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nancy made a disgusted face as she spoke.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, now who’s being gross? I </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> do not need to know anything about your sex life!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And yet somehow, I keep being dragged into yours,” he said with a pointed look at the pair. “I have been dating this woman for nearly two months, and tonight is </span>
  <em>
    <span>finally</span>
  </em>
  <span> the night, and you two have really ruined the mood.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nancy shook her head slightly, as if she was trying to dislodge everything Ryan had just said from her brain, until her eyes widened in realization.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait, you’ve been seeing her for two months? How many dates have you been on?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know, like ten maybe? I don’t see how that’s relev-“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ten dates and you’re just now planning to sleep with her? Oh my god, you like her. You really like her, she’s not just another bimbo for you to parade around town for a week at a time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ryan sighed exasperatedly, inwardly cursing Nancy for being so damn perceptive.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay fine, yes, you’re right. Carol is kind, and funny, and sexy, and way, way too good for me, and yeah, I like her. A lot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nancy was staring at him, slightly open-mouthed. He’d wanted to tell Nancy about Carol for a while, but he hadn’t realized quite how badly until exactly this moment, and everything he’d been feeling for the woman just came pouring out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve told her all the shitty things I’ve done – well, most of them, some of them I can’t legally disclose – and she didn’t even blink. She even knows about you, and … and George. I told her about the scummiest thing I’ve ever done in my life and she was rightfully horrified and took some time to process it, but she didn’t leave. She didn’t hate me for it. She sees good in me that I don’t see in myself, so yeah, I … I like her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ryan was stunned by his own admission, and his shock was mirrored on Ace and Nancy’s faces.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Holy shit. You love her,” Ace said, his eyes wide. Oh, </span>
  <em>
    <span>now </span>
  </em>
  <span>he was observant.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I – no – maybe. I don’t know yet,” Ryan said. Even he knew it was an unconvincing lie, because damn it, he really did love her, but he was very far from being ready to admit it. Instead, he held his hands up in what he hoped was a “please stop accusing me of emotion” gesture. “But I’m not likely to figure it out with you two hiding up here. And there are many, many other things I’d rather be doing right now. So I’m begging you, please get out of my house.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nancy and Ace nodded, still in shock.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So should we climb out a window, or …?” Ace asked, coming back to himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t be an idiot, she already knows you’re here, and she guessed about Nancy, too. Just come downstairs, exchange pleasantries, and get the hell out of this house,” Ryan said quickly before turning on his heel to march back down the stairs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ace and Nancy followed behind, seeming slightly ashamed that they had been caught. Apparently, they could break into buildings across town with minimal B&amp;E arrests, but got caught in a house they had the key to. Go figure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Carol smiled when she saw the trio coming down the stairs, and she moved to greet them at the bottom step. Ryan stood beside her, his hand resting on her lower back. This moment, when Nancy met Carol, felt big. It felt like a step towards something brand new, something important, and his heart was pumping twice as fast as normal.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi, Nancy,” Carol said, shaking Nancy’s hand. “It’s been quite a while. How are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello, Counselor Coleman,” Nancy replied awkwardly as she let go of Carol’s hand. Ryan supposed her reaction was fair; it was a pretty weird way for the two women to meet each other, yet Carol seemed nothing but thrilled to meet his daughter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh please, call me Carol,” she said with a slight chuckle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nancy nodded, and nobody seemed to know what to say. The awkward silence stretched out, until Carol blessedly broke it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nancy, I hope this isn’t too forward of me, but … I’d love to get lunch with you sometime,” Carol said, seeming a little nervous. “I know we don’t really know each other—I tend to see only the most ill-behaved students, which you certainly were not—but with everything between myself and Ryan, I’d really like to get to know you. It might sound odd, but like the rest of this town, I’ve followed your adventures from afar, and you’re very impressive. I think our town is lucky to have you watching over us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I—,” Nancy cut off, looking taken aback. Ryan knew Nancy was hardly ever thanked for the work she did to save the town from its previously unexplained happenings, and she looked touched at Carol’s words. Ryan couldn’t help but smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That would be nice actually,” Nancy said, recovering. “I’d like to get to know you better as well.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Perfect. Of course, Ryan talks about you so much that I almost feel like I’ve known you for years!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ryan looked at the ceiling in embarrassment, willing his cheeks not to turn pink. Nancy looked at him quizzically; they were closer now, sure, but she’d clearly never thought of him talking about her when she wasn’t around. Even he hadn’t realized he talked about her </span>
  <em>
    <span>that </span>
  </em>
  <span>much.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would it be alright if I call you this week to set something up?” Carol asked, seemingly oblivious to Nancy and Ryan’s embarrassment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nancy nodded</span>
  <span>. </span>
  <span>Ryan quickly refocused on his mission to get Nancy and Ace out the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds great. You two should definitely do that. Maybe I’ll stop by and we can have a nice long conversation about boundaries,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Carol rolled her eyes good-naturedly while Nancy took the hint.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, okay. Guess we’ll be going. I sincerely apologize for interrupting your evening,” Nancy said, giving a little wave as she turned to the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ace followed her, calling back “Have fun!” as he went.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ryan trailed close behind them, intent on making sure they actually left his property. As he started to close the front door, Nancy paused on the porch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ryan?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?” He said, blowing out a puff of air in exasperation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m proud of you,” she said, with a small smile. “After Lucy and Tiffany and all the ways your parents royally fucked you up, you could’ve quit. You didn’t have to try to be better or settle down. But you are, and that … that makes me happy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I … thanks, I guess.” Ryan had no idea what to say. Though it had mostly been unwelcome, none of Nancy’s behavior tonight had been surprising, until now. She was so damn good at throwing him for a loop, and also at making him cry. But not tonight. Goddamnit, not tonight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nancy, that means a lot. And I’m truly thankful,” he said, grinning. “But if you don’t get off my property in point-five seconds, I will murder you, and you won’t be around to solve your own homicide.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nancy threw back her head and laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, Jesus, I’ll go. It’s almost like you haven’t had sex in </span>
  <em>
    <span>months</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” she called back as she walked to join Ace in her car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ryan just glared. “It’s been almost a year, which is basically entirely your fault. But the dry spell ends tonight, no thanks to you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gross,” Nancy said with a grimace, but Ryan had already disappeared behind the front door, the lock clicking firmly into place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As she climbed into her car, Ace spoke from up from the passenger seat:</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry, babe. I’d be way better at solving your murder than Ryan would be at committing it. You wouldn’t even have to haunt me.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. incidental wounds</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Nancy has a request, and Ryan has feelings.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Did I mention that this story is gonna get a little angsty? And it begins here? Buckle up, folks.</p><p>Credit for talking me off all metaphorical cliffs and making sense of my Nancy Drew ramblings goes to @the_rumors_from_inez, who has been beta-ing everything I write for years but got an AO3 account just for this. Much appreciation forever.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Ryan Hudson was sipping some lukewarm clam chowder in his preferred booth at the Claw —good God, how </span>
  <em>
    <span>did </span>
  </em>
  <span>this place stay in business—when a girl in a blue dress plopped herself down in front of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s your social security number?” Nancy asked without preamble.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello to you too,” Ryan said, confused. “I thought you called yourself a detective. Why don’t you already have that information?” When she’d asked him to meet her here, he assumed they were getting lunch. He hadn’t known he was agreeing to an inquisition.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m a sleuth, not a psychic. Seriously, I need it,” Nancy’s face was hard, her voice adamant.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>While her questioning was odd, it wasn’t so out of character for her, but her behavior definitely was. Nancy was acting weird. Her whole demeanor was different—evasive, formal and stiff, almost like she was trying to remove herself from the conversation even as she participated in it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“To commit identity theft? I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m kind of loaded. If you need money, I can just give it to you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Noooooo,” she said, drawing the single syllable out in annoyance. “I need it for this.” She thrust a piece of paper at him. It was slightly crumpled, its edges worn like she had been carrying it around for a while.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is that?” he asked. When Nancy didn’t respond, he grabbed the paper from her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was immediately clear why Nancy hadn’t replied. She didn’t have to, because typed across the top of the form were the words “Application for Evaluation of Paternity.” That answered his question, but raised dozens more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Why did she have this form? Why was she filling it out now, instead of a year ago when they first learned they were family? Was this good news, or bad? Ryan had no idea.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m … very confused. I was under the impression that I was the only possible secret biological father. Are you suggesting there are other options?” He felt a little panicked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, calm down,” she said, rolling her eyes. “I, uh….. I thought maybe it was time we made it official, you know, and this way I can apply to Columbia as a legacy candidate, and I kind of need that boost after my disastrous senior year …” Nancy trailed off. She was so clearly embarrassed to be asking him for this; her mouth was twisted into a pained expression, her eyebrows furrowed, her eyes staring down at the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ryan could hardly believe what he was hearing. He nearly gasped aloud, only catching it at the last second. “You’re going to tell people?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not changing my last name to Hudson or anything but … yeah. I think it’s time we come clean, and frankly, I need your help getting in. And you did ask me to list you on my forms, so I don’t really know why this is such a surprise.” Nancy still refused to look at him, and her tone was almost accusatory, like </span>
  <em>
    <span>he</span>
  </em>
  <span> was the one springing out-of-the-blue requests on </span>
  <em>
    <span>her</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ryan gaped. “Because when have you ever done anything I asked you to do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay fine, that’s … yeah, that’s fair,” Nancy said, looking down at her clasped hands resting on the table. Ryan was half joking, but she didn’t seem to take it that way. Obviously, asking for his help with this was taking a lot out of her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> “I guess I just thought you’d be happier about it,” she added, quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ryan thought he’d be happier about it too. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>was </span>
  </em>
  <span>happy that Nancy was ready to acknowledge their relationship publicly, and he was also overjoyed that she was finally applying to college, finally moving forward. But because the two things were linked, it felt false somehow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was only doing it for her college application, not because she truly acknowledged him as her father. Nancy didn’t really </span>
  <em>
    <span>want</span>
  </em>
  <span> people to know. She </span>
  <em>
    <span>needed</span>
  </em>
  <span> them to know because she needed something else. Just like she often needed his money, or his backup in an argument with Carson, or his house, or his connections.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And once again, he would be expected to provide, no questions asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am happy,” Ryan said, though even he could tell his tone was far from convincing. He cleared his throat and tried again. “Really, I am. It’s great that you’re applying, and I couldn’t be more excited for you to go to my alma mater. And this is the right next step for you, I know it is.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But?” she asked. If Nancy was anything, it was perceptive, and he clearly wasn’t masking his complicated feelings about the situation as well as he’d hoped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But nothing. I was just … surprised, I guess. This is good, Nancy,” he said. He was pretty sure he’d sold the proud father vibe that time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Nancy said. “So, you’ll do it? We can fill out this form and do the blood draw and everything?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, of course,” Ryan said with a smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He really did mean it. He’d do anything for Nancy, clearly. Yes, he was a little hurt, but what else was new? His whole life was hurt. Nancy could do almost anything to him and still be a better family member than he’d ever had before, so it was fine. Really. Everything was fine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nancy was removing a pen from her apron pocket when her cell phone rang. She glanced at the screen and then slid the paper and pen over to Ryan’s side of the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have to take this,” she said, putting the phone up to her ear. “I’ll let you fill out your details.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stepped towards the opposite side of the restaurant to take the call, letting Ryan know that whatever she was discussing wasn’t something she wanted random strangers to hear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>While he filled out the form – legal name, social security number, birthdate, and on and on – snippets of her side of the conversation filtered back to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“… no, he didn’t answer the door … wife … no details available …”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sounded like an investigation. But given that Bess and Ace were chatting in the kitchen, and he’d seen George and Nick file into their office, it was unlikely she was talking to any of them. Must be Carson, then, and one of his cases.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’ll do that … um-hmm … tonight … love you too, dad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ryan could hear the last phrase clear as day as she walked back towards his table. She said it so casually, like she said it every day, and she almost certainly did.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It shouldn’t upset him; it was unfair of his chest to twist so painfully. He’d missed nearly her whole life, and his own had been shady at best, downright immoral at worst, so Carson had earned things he never could. Plus, Carson and Nancy had spent the past year painstakingly rebuilding their relationship. It made sense that Carson would get affectionate sign-offs while Ryan got … forms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Nancy was incredible – witty, kind, brilliant. He was so lucky to have her as a daughter. Even if they never had a relationship like that, even if she never loved him like she loved the man who raised her, Ryan would still be here. This was enough. It had to be enough.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You get it all filled out?” Nancy asked, sitting down across from him again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep, everything except the signatures,” he said, feigning contentment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>Now, before you sign this, I have to ask,” she said, her lips twitching in amusement. Her earlier awkwardness had dissolved since he agreed to help her, and he knew she was returning to the only method of communication the pair seemed capable of. “Is this going to lead us to some disastrous genealogical search where I learn I have a secret sister? Because I really don’t have the stamina for any more family reveals.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He could play the game, too. They were good at that, the two of them. It was one of the few things they had in common: pretending everything was just fine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Honestly? I can’t be sure. I was pretty popular in high school and college, you could have a whole horde of long-lost siblings.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sometimes, the game worked. He often left conversations with Nancy, even hard ones, feeling better because of the easy banter between them, the way they could make each other laugh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This wasn’t one of those times. The jokes provided no relief today. </span>
  <span>Instead, they confirmed what he’d suspected for a while.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nancy would call on him when she needed material things that he could provide, or on the increasingly rare occasion that she needed emotional support regarding her complicated parentage. She wouldn’t call him just because. She wouldn’t join him for pizza and movie nights like the ones she shared with Carson. They didn’t have two decades worth of memories to recall, scrapbooks to flip through. She would certainly never work for him, not that he had a job to offer her anyway, but it was the principle of the thing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She would, apparently, admit that she was his daughter, but only to certain people, and only when it got her something she wanted. She wouldn’t ask him how he felt about it, or what he might want to do.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He must have been lost in thought, and probably growing increasingly outwardly frustrated, because Nancy interrupted his musings.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay? You seem off.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ryan thought about it. He could be honest with her, tell her what was bothering him. But he couldn’t be sure how she would react, and he didn’t want to seem like he was attacking her. He was just … annoyed and insecure, and that combination was rapidly turning into something like anger, and he wasn’t sure their relationship was stable enough to survive him being mad at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So he lied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, totally fine,” he said, and Nancy smiled at him before rushing off to a table that needed her attention.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wasn’t proud of it, but it was the decision he made. And really, what was one more bad decision in this family?</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Leave me a comment or a kudos if you want! I'd appreciate any feedback you can give.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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